Fifty ways to add confusion to dining halls

by Robert Chen

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Sip some soda up and spray it on the person next to you. Pretend nothing happened.

2. Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.

3. Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.

4. After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"

5. Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.

6. Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch them and proceed to make this meal yourself.

7. After finishing your meal, look at your brand of china. Proceed to look at everyone else's, regardless of whether they're finished eating or not. Complain how the school is too cheap to buy some real Wedgewood china. Then dump your dishes and waste food in the trash and explain how it would be cheaper to buy new dishes than to wash the old ones.

8. During the meal, start a conversation about the innocence of Jeffrey Dahmer. Then look at everybody's limbs with a marked amount of interest. Then "involuntarily" drool.
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For most of its nearly 1,700 miles, Highway 61 paralleled the Mississippi River, providing a migratory route in the 1920s through the 1950s for African Americans leaving the Deep South for better economic prospects. With them, they brought their music. As biographer Robert Shelton commented, "Jazz came up the river. Blues came up the river. A lot of great basic American culture came right up that highway and up that river."[9] As a teenager, Dylan hitched rides on Highway 61 to catch live rhythm 'n blues acts around St. Paul.[10] "Highway 61, the main thoroughfare of the country blues, begins about where I began," Dylan wrote in his autobiography Chronicles. "I always felt like I'd started on it, always had been on it and could go anywhere, even down in to the deep Delta country. It was the same road, full of the same contradictions, the same one-horse towns, the same spiritual ancestors... It was my place in the universe, always felt like it was in my blood."[11]
Dylan told Shelton that he had to overcome considerable resistance at Columbia Records, to give his album the title, "I wanted to call that album Highway 61 Revisited. Nobody understood it. I had to go up the fucking ladder until finally the word came down and said: 'Let him call it what he wants to call it'."[12]

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